Yesterday I found myself wanting to go to church. Not the LDS church, but maybe another Christian church, like the Church of England. I'm not sure what it was, maybe after listening to two co-workers talk about their beliefs in God and the fact that it was a Sunday that got me strangely in the mood. It felt like fall in Manchester yesterday, and I found myself wanting to be wrapped up, more emotionally than physically. I think maybe part of me also wanted to feel a closeness with others, that I have sometimes felt in places of worship. I missed that feeling that comes when everyone, whether a family, friends, or congregation, all feels a similar way. I have recently missed and mourned the feeling that I had something important to believe in, something that tied me to a god, and tied me to others. I haven't felt that way in an LDS congregation for years, but I have memories of it from the past, and felt sad that I don't know how to recreate that, or at least the positive elements of it. I thought about god and felt that maybe I could believe in something, but my mind just doesn't know how, and most of the time my heart doesn't ask for it anymore these days either. Yesterday I felt open to the possibility, but nothing really concrete came. I would like to develop some sort of spirituality outside of religion, and in some ways it would be nice if I could rebuild something semi-concrete, but I don't know how or if it will happen. I am not pushing myself. Whatever is right for me will come if I am open to it.
I walked around Manchester, looking for a church, but also enjoying the walk. I didn't find anything so I headed back to the hotel where I met up with my co-workers. We talked, ate, drank, and had a nice evening, and though we met just a few days ago, it was comfortable and warm. Which is what I wanted in the first place.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
yes, and I woke up yesterday wanting to marry a mormon man....I don't know where that came from, probably from a time in my life that was much more simple?
i am mourning my spiritual departure from God too, not that it has been all about religion, just about me latelly, not knowing how to connect...shunning the old ways and not yet having newly created the new ways.
it's a rocky path without a clear destination, and even if I didn't like the destination before hand, i at least could see it.
Have you tried the Unitarians?
Yeah, I think sometimes we want things because they are comfortable and we perceive them to be safe.
I haven't tried the Unitarian church yet, though I've heard good things about it. I will have to check it out sometime when I am not out of town on a Sunday.
I have felt the same way. I second cl's suggestion for the Unitarians, though I have only been once. Society of Friends is also pretty cool.
but again, I am not attending either, I am still sweating and straining it out in the nursery in our ward... and getting more and more alienated.
so, don't listen to me.
Post a Comment