US religious beliefs and practices

This is really interesting. You can compare your answers with the Pew Forum's religious survey.

http://usatoday.com/news/graphics/2008_pew_religion/flash.htm

I learned a few things. Apparently Mormons have more in common with more fundamentalist-type churches. And I definitely do not fit the Mormon mold. I was closer on most things to the Buddhists and Hindus.

everything's expanding

I have been so happy lately, in a way that has amazed me. Life is exciting to me again, and I feel free-to think, act, and love the way that I feel is right. It's like once I decided I was done with church, everything has just simplified, as I don't have to worry about what the church or members of it think of me (for the most part). I can focus on actually being kind to others, and myself.
For most of my adult life, I've been pretty cynical when it came to romantic love and marriage, probably because it had been pushed down my throat in various arenas, and even though I thought I was a "typical Mormon," whatever that is, I really have always felt quite uncomfortable fitting into certain expectations that I just don't believe in. So now that those things have all lifted, it's strange, I don't feel a sense of hopelessness in my future. I trust myself. I feel like if my life stays the same as it is now, I will be very happy. But I also can truly see the possibility of finding love or marriage in my life, which I have never believed was possible.
I have felt so amazingly lucky to have friends and family members in my life who understand what I have been going through, and also understand the new and exciting parts of my life. I have been enjoying so much, and without all the worry I have had in the past few years. I have an amazing job that allows me to meet great people, see the world, and just have a good time, while also being a kind of community I haven't felt in Mormonism for years. And one that I fit in a lot better. It's funny, when I was trying to decide whether to stay or go, I read and heard all kinds of warnings, of how "you'll never be happy if you leave" and "this is where you belong," and it kind of scared me like maybe they knew what they were talking about. But, truth is, I had to listen to myself, and I really felt like I would be okay, and hey, looks like listening to myself wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Meet Virginia

So the other day on the plane I did something I have never done. There was a guy who started talking to me while we were delayed. In 45 minutes max of talking to him, I realized that we had more of a connection than the guy I had just gone out with for the fourth time the night before (no chemistry, and boring!) Since I know (I think) that guys like to do the chasing, I usually let them do this, but he didn't really have much of an opportunity during the flight. So right before landing I gave him my number. On an airline napkin. Whether he calls or not, it was still fun, doing the initiating for once.

Conversational landmines

I talked to my parents on the phone tonight, mostly my mom. I hadn't talked to my dad since last week when I told him about me and church. They both sounded a little distant or something. I couldn't quite place it. I guess maybe they're still trying to figure out to view me, what to think, how to feel about the idea that I no longer believe in everything they do. I don't think they know exactly how to talk to me anymore. I guess I have to give them some time to feel what they're going to feel and get used to things. After all, this has been coming for me for at least a couple of years, though I didn't know it till much more recently. I have had more time to get used to changes in my beliefs and actions, but it is pretty new to them. I just hate it because changing relationships can be hard and you never know exactly how they'll end up.

I also have a friend who I have been friends with since I was five. We have stayed fairly close through the years, and have always had a lot to talk about, even though we don't see each other often. However, she has always been pretty conservative in some ways, though I never thought much of it. Last time I saw her was in January and we had a mostly good lunch, though we had an awkward moment where we accidentally (keep your mouth shut, flygirl!) got onto politics and she basically bore her testimony to me of some principle that she related to the current political situation. I didn't know what to say, because I just couldn't say I agreed. I would really like to keep up our friendship, we have been friends for SO long, but I just don't know what we have to talk about, there seem to be so many conversational land-mines. And I really just don't think she would be accepting of my rejection of church. I have been all about openness and honesty, but I might go on pretending with her. At least for awhile. It's not like I have to do everything at once I suppose. I feel great about my life in relation to me, but in relation to other people it gets more complicated. It's hard not having church in common, where it used to just be a given.

So I am feeling a little melancholy about the changes that have taken place in my relationships, or those that I know will change. I only feel this way around a few of the people who have been in my life for a long time and I don't want to lose what we have. Who knows, some of them may change for the better. I do have a lot of people in my life who have been very accepting and I don't think I could have done all of this without them.

how to get rid of the love bombs

When I was going to church, a couple times a month at least, I think I had home teachers visit me once in the past year. Visiting teachers were more consistent. Now that I haven't been in six months, I am getting people coming out of the woodworks. A girl in the relief society presidency texted me the other day, acting like we were best buds. I got a call from my home teacher, sounding all breezy, like everything was normal. I haven't seen him for 6 months, though he did help me move into my new apt. My visiting teachers have been contacting me as well. This is a bit more tricky, because I am friends with the old ones, and now this month one of my other friends (along with the RS pres councilor) have been assigned as my visiting teachers.

But I want it all to stop. Sometimes I think I should just suck it up for the next few months till I turn 31, and then I won't be in the singles ward. But I just feel like I can't or don't want to do that. I am through and want it out of my life. At first I thought I would be okay with visiting teachers because I really do like them-the old and one of the new. But I want to know that people want to hang out with me just because they like ME, not because of any sort of hidden agenda. I don't want to wonder if people are really my friends, or if I am an assignment. So I am thinking of asking to be taken off the HT/VT lists, and I can see who my real friends are. (I think these girls will still be my friends, though they don't know exactly where I am with church yet). No one asks me why I don't come to church, they just invite me to stuff, invite themselves into my home. And I'd rather tell them than do the avoidance thing, otherwise I know it will never stop. But I'm getting tired of telling everyone, all the time, about this aspect of my life. Can't I just get a t-shirt or something, that explains it to everyone?

Finally

So I told my dad tonight on the phone tonight, and my mom a couple days ago about my feelings and activity in the church. I didn't go into details of all of Joseph Smith/Brigham Young's transgressions, or why I think the church is...whatever it is. I think that would have been too much and they wouldn't have really been able to process it. I explained that I had doctrinal concerns, didn't go to church or believe anymore. And I also told them that I appreciate and love them. They both reacted pretty good I think, as well as can be expected. Neither of them preached to me or told me I was going to hell. My mom said she had noticed something was different, so she didn't seem that surprised, and didn't break down or anything. My dad was more emotional about it, I made him cry. I feel really bad about the way that they are feeling right now, even though I know it's not my fault, exactly. I think one of the most difficult things is that I am not a part of (and now they know this) the most important thing in the world to them. My dad listed his family and the church as the most important things to them, so at least he didn't place church above it. It just no longer goes all neatly together like it did before. They both expressed their love for me and that they wanted us to still be close, and I said I wanted that as well.

So I think it went well, much better than many people's stories I have heard of, though it was still incredibly hard. Now I just have to get used to the new situation with my family a bit, and hopefully they won't be that depressed.