Conversational landmines

I talked to my parents on the phone tonight, mostly my mom. I hadn't talked to my dad since last week when I told him about me and church. They both sounded a little distant or something. I couldn't quite place it. I guess maybe they're still trying to figure out to view me, what to think, how to feel about the idea that I no longer believe in everything they do. I don't think they know exactly how to talk to me anymore. I guess I have to give them some time to feel what they're going to feel and get used to things. After all, this has been coming for me for at least a couple of years, though I didn't know it till much more recently. I have had more time to get used to changes in my beliefs and actions, but it is pretty new to them. I just hate it because changing relationships can be hard and you never know exactly how they'll end up.

I also have a friend who I have been friends with since I was five. We have stayed fairly close through the years, and have always had a lot to talk about, even though we don't see each other often. However, she has always been pretty conservative in some ways, though I never thought much of it. Last time I saw her was in January and we had a mostly good lunch, though we had an awkward moment where we accidentally (keep your mouth shut, flygirl!) got onto politics and she basically bore her testimony to me of some principle that she related to the current political situation. I didn't know what to say, because I just couldn't say I agreed. I would really like to keep up our friendship, we have been friends for SO long, but I just don't know what we have to talk about, there seem to be so many conversational land-mines. And I really just don't think she would be accepting of my rejection of church. I have been all about openness and honesty, but I might go on pretending with her. At least for awhile. It's not like I have to do everything at once I suppose. I feel great about my life in relation to me, but in relation to other people it gets more complicated. It's hard not having church in common, where it used to just be a given.

So I am feeling a little melancholy about the changes that have taken place in my relationships, or those that I know will change. I only feel this way around a few of the people who have been in my life for a long time and I don't want to lose what we have. Who knows, some of them may change for the better. I do have a lot of people in my life who have been very accepting and I don't think I could have done all of this without them.