This is kind of a follow up to my last post...
Feelings are an interesting topic when it comes to religion. I think in the LDS church we base a lot of things on feelings. I think some of them may be real, but I also feel like some of them may have been a little manufactured. Like I don't know if I really felt like I had the choice to believe in the Book of Mormon or not, it was all set up so that I would. So I did. Maybe I am different in that some of my experiences regarding the church were not as strong as others.
Thinking about what I have felt and what I feel now, I have come to look at many of my feelings from the past differently. But there are some things I was taught and believed that I still strongly believe. I'm not sure why these go a little deeper or resonate with me still. I was taught that you had to figure things out for yourself and follow what you feel is right-I'm pretty sure they thought it would leave you in the church, which didn't turn out that way for me. I always felt that God loves everyone equally. When it turned out the church didn't really seem to teach that, I let go of the church and possibly God, but not my belief in equality. It's interesting what sticks and what doesn't.
I think that facts and more information(as much as can be ascertained) is more important in deciding what to believe than going on feelings alone. You have to have both, but I think going on pure feelings is a little scary to me.
I think something we learn in the LDS church is that once you "know" or feel something, you KNOW it. Forever. That you shouldn't allow new information or feelings in. That you've already got it figured out and that you should not change your point of view. Period. I built myself up quite the protective wall for a long time. In the church humility is talked about, but I think there is a great arrogance in never rethinking your point of view. I think there is great humility in being open to the world, to people, to spirituality.
Thoughts?
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4 comments:
absolutely. i have struggled with this to no end. how do you justify what you once COMPLETELY knew to be true with what you now feel is not so true?
I think, as I have pondered, that any person, in the right circumstances and with the right teaching, can be convinced of anything...whether or not there is truth to it at all.
the whole idea of figuring out this ONE truth has made me too tired lately. I want a break.
I should stop blogging about it so I can have one.
this idea, that is constantly put forth in the church, that you should pray to know if these things are true- I ultimately felt it was so hypocritical... there was only one expected answer. if you got the wrong answer, it was YOUR fault, you didn't pray hard enough, or there was some sin in your life to prevent you from communication with the spirit...
yes, this is a difficult idea, what is a testimony, really?
I don't know, of course, but I am glad to be going through this journey with you.
I have so many thoughts on this. I guess I realized I had no idea what I was committing to when I was baptised at 8. I had been committing to be baptised routinely since I was 3. I didn't really have any other choice or path to follow except the one I was told was right. After I was 8, I was always-already committed to accept everything else. No looking back now, I guess thst was supposed to happen in junior primary. But they certainly don't teach real questioning and soul searching there.
In a sense this is worse than infant baptism. Infant baptism is completely the parents' choice. The child knows that is means nothing for them personally. But at 8, wow, you can remember that day for the rest of your life. And it sort of feels like you had a choice. At least that's what you're told.
Jesus wasn't baptised until his 30s. If we could only look to that for an example. I mean, at that age, most of us here could be coming from a different direction, deciding if we were going to be baptised. Much lower stakes. Room for soul searching. Room to say that I doubt, that sometimes I'm not so sure (unlike what we were capable of at 8). Instead of just going with the flow.
Sorry about the tangent, but I've just been searching for the root of it all.
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