A close friend of mine who has gone through some similar church issues as me got an email from an old friend yesterday. She seems to get a lot of these emails, from people attempting to save her soul. After hearing about the email and the guilt trips that were included, my friend said "maybe i am going to hell. i don't want to go to hell." I told her she wasn't, because I truly believe that. She said, "what does anyone know for sure, we are all just going on faith anyway." Which is entirely true. Though I have little, if any, traditional faith, I do believe this is true.
What I have faith in is that this life, whatever the hell it is, is something magical. It is amazing at times, and really shitty at times. But in the end, when I finally realized I couldn't believe in the church anymore, and possibly organized religion, I realized that I do have faith. I have faith that if there is a plan for this life, for this world, it isn't one of inequality, gender or otherwise. It isn't one where the heaven we are supposed to be looking forward to is one that feels more like hell to me. It isn't one where only 1% of the earth's population would have the chance for true happiness and truth in this lifetime. If there is a plan and meaning for this life then we all wouldn't be trying to be the same, discounting all of our valuable differences. I don't know what I believe for sure, but if I believe anything it is that there must be more goodness, inclusiveness, wholeness and general happiness in the world than the LDS church offers. I want to live my life believing in goodness and joy, not fear. And that feels like faith to me, however unusual and unlikely.
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3 comments:
Great post.
I feel you, babe.
There's a character in Seventh Son (but orson scott card) who tries to be a prophet, and tells stories, but only if they're true.
He will say something aloud, and if he believes it, then it's true.
It's a good book, and i"m not doing this character any justice, but there's a lot to be said about how things feel, and I think we should all learn to rely on that feeling a little more.
yes, feelings, what we have always been taught to rely on...but I have a hard time with this too.
How do you discount past feelings with present ones? I think this would be an interesting topic for discussion.
This was a needed post for me, thank you.
"maybe I am going to hell"
I felt this a lot, when I first started questioning, a lot of fear.
I finally go to the point where I didn't believe that any more (that I was going to hell)... but I am still at ground zero when it comes to rebuilding all the rest of my beliefs.
about heaven, god, jesus, miracles, the here-after, etc...
I'm still working on defining what I have faith in anymore.
thank you for this post.
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